Never Split the Difference by Chris Voss

“Never Split the Difference” by Chris Voss is a book about negotiation strategies and techniques that can be applied in both personal and professional contexts. Voss draws on his experience as a former FBI hostage negotiator to provide readers with a practical and actionable guide to negotiation.

The book is divided into three parts: “The Negotiation Fundamentals,” “The Negotiation Techniques,” and “Tying It All Together.” In the first part, Voss lays out the basic principles of negotiation.

He begins by emphasizing the importance of empathy in negotiation. He argues that the ability to understand the other party’s perspective is essential for building rapport, gaining trust, and reaching mutually beneficial agreements. The book stresses the importance of active listening, which involves paying close attention to the other party’s words, tone, and body language, and asking questions to clarify and deepen understanding.

Voss then introduces the concept of “tactical empathy,” which involves using empathy strategically to influence the other party’s behavior. He suggests that tactical empathy can be used to uncover the other party’s underlying concerns and motivations, build rapport and trust, and influence their decision-making.

In “The Negotiation Techniques,” Voss outlines several specific negotiation techniques that he believes are effective in achieving successful outcomes. These techniques include:

Mirroring: This technique involves repeating the other party’s words to show that you are listening and understand their perspective. It can be used to build rapport and establish a sense of mutual understanding.
Labeling: It involves identifying and labeling the other party’s emotions or concerns. It can be used to show empathy, validate their perspective, and create a sense of partnership.
Calibration: Here, we are taught using observations and questions to test your understanding of the other party’s perspective. It can be used to clarify information, uncover hidden concerns, and establish trust.
The Ackerman model: This technique involves making a series of increasingly lower offers to reach a final agreement. It can be used to create a sense of momentum, build trust, and increase the likelihood of reaching a mutually beneficial agreement.
The “no” technique: It involves deliberately saying “no” to certain requests or proposals to increase the perceived value of your own proposals. It can be used to establish boundaries and create a sense of power and authority.

In the second part of the book, Voss provides readers with a range of negotiation techniques that they can use in a variety of situations. One of the key techniques he emphasizes is the use of calibrated questions, which are designed to gather information and clarify the other party’s position. Calibrated questions are open-ended and non-threatening, and can be used to uncover the underlying motivations of the other party.

In “The Negotiation Techniques,” Voss outlines several specific negotiation techniques that he believes are effective in achieving successful outcomes. These techniques include:

Mirroring: This technique involves repeating the other party’s words to show that you are listening and understand their perspective. It can be used to build rapport and establish a sense of mutual understanding.

The mirroring technique is a negotiation strategy that involves repeating the last few words or phrases of the other party’s statement to encourage them to continue speaking and provide more information. This technique is based on the idea that people feel heard and understood when others repeat their words back to them, which can help to build rapport and trust.

Steps involved in the mirroring technique:

Listen actively: The first step in the mirroring technique is to listen actively to the other party’s statement. Pay attention to their words, tone of voice, and body language to gain a better understanding of their perspective.
Repeat the last few words or phrases: Once the other party has finished speaking, repeat the last few words or phrases of their statement. This shows that you are listening and encourages them to continue speaking and providing more information.
Use a neutral tone: When using the mirroring technique, it’s important to use a neutral tone of voice and avoid adding any judgment or interpretation to the other party’s words. This helps to maintain a non-confrontational and collaborative negotiation environment.
Validate the other party’s perspective: As the other party continues speaking, you can use additional mirroring statements to validate their perspective and show that you understand their point of view. This can help to build rapport and trust and lead to a more successful negotiation.

The mirroring technique is particularly useful in situations where there is a lack of communication or understanding between the parties involved. By repeating the other party’s words back to them, you can demonstrate that you are actively listening and working to understand their perspective.

Labeling: It involves identifying and labeling the other party’s emotions or concerns. It can be used to show empathy, validate their perspective, and create a sense of partnership.

Labeling involves acknowledging and naming the other party’s emotions or concerns in a non-judgmental way. This technique can be used to show empathy, build rapport, and establish a sense of partnership. For example, instead of saying “You’re being unreasonable,” you might say “I can sense that you’re feeling frustrated and concerned about this issue.”

Calibration: Here, we are taught using observations and questions to test your understanding of the other party’s perspective. It can be used to clarify information, uncover hidden concerns, and establish trust.

Calibrated questions are open-ended and non-threatening questions that are designed to gather information and clarify the other party’s position. They are intended to help you gain a better understanding of the other party’s motivations, goals, and needs, and to help you build rapport and trust.

Calibrated questions are different from closed-ended questions, which can be answered with a simple “yes” or “no.” Instead, calibrated questions are designed to elicit more detailed and nuanced responses. For example, instead of asking “Do you want to buy this car?”, a calibrated question might be “What about this car appeals to you the most?”

The Ackerman model: This technique involves making a series of increasingly lower offers to reach a final agreement. It can be used to create a sense of momentum, build trust, and increase the likelihood of reaching a mutually beneficial agreement.

The Ackerman Model is based on the idea that people tend to make decisions based on the first offer they receive, which serves as an anchor for the negotiation. By making a high initial offer, you can anchor the other party’s expectations, and then gradually lower your offers to reach a final agreement.

Steps involved in the Ackerman Model:

Set a high but realistic target price: The first step is to set a high but realistic target price for the negotiation. This should be the highest price that you think the other party would be willing to pay or the lowest price that you would be willing to accept.
Make the first offer at 65% of the target price: The second step is to make an initial offer that is significantly lower than the target price. The initial offer should be 65% of the target price.
Raise the offer to 85% of the target price: If the other party rejects your initial offer, the next step is to raise the offer to 85% of the target price. This offer should be presented as a concession.
Make a final offer at 95% of the target price: If the other party rejects your second offer, the final step is to make a final offer at 95% of the target price. This offer should be presented as your “bottom line” and should be accompanied by a deadline.

The Ackerman Model is designed to create a sense of momentum and urgency in the negotiation, while also giving you room to make concessions. By making a series of increasingly lower offers, you can show the other party that you are willing to be flexible and reach a mutually beneficial agreement.

The “no” technique: It involves deliberately saying “no” to certain requests or proposals to increase the perceived value of your own

The “no” technique is a negotiation strategy that involves encouraging the other party to say “no” in order to build rapport and trust. The idea behind this technique is that when someone says “no,” they feel empowered and in control of the situation, which can help to create a more positive and collaborative negotiating environment.

Steps involved in the “no” technique

Identify what the other party values: The first step in the “no” technique is to identify what the other party values or wants to achieve in the negotiation. This could be a specific outcome, a particular benefit, or a desired concession.
Present a solution that addresses their concerns, but ask for a “no“: Once you have identified what the other party values, you can then present a solution that addresses their concerns, but ask for a “no” instead of a “yes”. This can help to build rapport and trust, as the other party feels in control of the situation and has the power to say “no”.
Repeat the process: If the other party says “no,” you can then repeat the process by asking them what they want or value, and then presenting a solution that addresses their concerns, while again asking for a “no” instead of a “yes”. This can help to build trust and rapport, as the other party feels that you are listening to their concerns and working to address their needs.

He discusses the importance of establishing rapport and building trust in negotiation. He offers a number of tips and strategies for doing so effectively, such as mirroring the other party’s body language and tone of voice and using active listening to demonstrate that you understand their perspective.

He believes that building rapport and trust is essential to reaching a successful negotiation outcome, as it creates a collaborative and positive environment for both parties to work together.

One of the key strategies Voss offers for building rapport is the technique of mirroring. As mentioned earlier, mirroring involves reflecting the other party’s body language, tone of voice, and words to demonstrate that you are listening and empathizing with their perspective. This technique can help to build trust and establish a connection with the other party.

Voss also stresses the importance of active listening in building rapport and trust. Active listening involves focusing on the other party’s words, asking questions, and clarifying their position to demonstrate that you are truly engaged and interested in their perspective. Active listening helps to show the other party that you understand their point of view and are willing to work with them to find a mutually beneficial solution.

Anchoring

Another important technique that Voss emphasizes is the use of “anchoring,” which involves setting an initial offer that is intentionally extreme in order to shift the negotiation in your favor. By setting an initial anchor point, you establish a starting point for the negotiation that can help to shift the terms of the discussion in your favor.

The anchor point that is set can have a significant impact on the outcome of the negotiation. If you set a low anchor point, the other party may perceive it as a sign of weakness and push for further concessions. On the other hand, if you set a high anchor point, the other party may perceive it as unreasonable and become more willing to make concessions.

According to Voss, one of the keys to anchoring effectively is to provide a rationale for your initial offer. By providing a rationale, you can make your offer seem more reasonable and justifiable, which can increase the chances of the other party accepting it.

An important aspect of anchoring is to be willing to make concessions. When you set an initial anchor point, you should be prepared to adjust it based on the other party’s response. By showing a willingness to make concessions, you demonstrate that you are reasonable and flexible, which can help to build trust and improve the chances of reaching a successful negotiation outcome.

It’s important to note that anchoring should be used strategically and not recklessly. If you set an initial anchor point that is too extreme or unreasonable, it can backfire and damage the relationship between the parties, making it more difficult to reach a successful negotiation outcome.

Difficult Negotiators

Voss also offers advice on how to deal with difficult negotiators, these can be individuals who are aggressive, deceptive, or simply unwilling to engage in a collaborative negotiation. Voss believes that by understanding the other party’s perspective and motivations, you can develop strategies to effectively deal with difficult negotiators.

One of the first steps in dealing with difficult negotiators is to identify their tactics and intentions. This requires careful observation and listening skills. Once you have a clear understanding of their tactics, you can begin to develop counter-strategies to respond to them.

For example, if a negotiator is using aggressive tactics such as personal attacks or ultimatums, Voss recommends using “labeling” to diffuse the situation. Labeling involves acknowledging the other party’s emotions and concerns, such as saying “it seems like you’re feeling frustrated with this situation.” By doing so, you show that you are actively listening to their concerns and trying to understand their perspective. This can help to calm the situation and bring the discussion back to a more productive level.

Dealing with deceptive negotiators can be challenging. Voss advises that you should approach the situation with caution and try to gather as much information as possible before making any decisions. One technique that he recommends is to use calibrated questions to gather information and uncover the other party’s motivations. Calibrated questions are open-ended and non-threatening, and can help to clarify the other party’s position.

When dealing with negotiators who are unwilling to engage in a collaborative negotiation, Voss suggests using the “Ackerman model” to set the terms of the negotiation. The Ackerman model involves making a series of escalating offers and concessions, which can help to build momentum and encourage the other party to engage in the negotiation.

Overall, dealing with difficult negotiators requires patience, observation, and effective communication skills. By understanding the other party’s perspective and motivations, and using techniques such as labeling, calibrated questions, and the Ackerman model, you can increase the chances of reaching a successful negotiation outcome.

The final part of “Never Split the Difference” is titled “The Bargain”, and it focuses on how to bring all the negotiation techniques together to close a deal successfully. Voss notes that successful negotiation requires more than just following a set of techniques; it requires creativity, flexibility, and the ability to find solutions that benefit both parties. He emphasizes the importance of understanding the other party’s perspective and needs, and being willing to explore new ideas and options.

One of the key themes in this section is the importance of actively listening to the other party and building rapport throughout the negotiation process. Voss notes that this can help to establish trust and understanding between the parties, and can also help to uncover new opportunities for collaboration and mutual gain.

Voss also discusses the importance of understanding your own “walkaway point,” or the point at which you are no longer willing to continue negotiating. He notes that having a clear understanding of your own limits can help you to stay focused and avoid making concessions that you may later regret.

Another important aspect of successful negotiation, according to Voss, is being able to identify and address potential roadblocks or obstacles to reaching a successful agreement. This may involve finding creative solutions or workarounds, or it may involve addressing underlying emotional or psychological barriers that may be preventing the other party from agreeing to your proposal.

Throughout this section, Voss emphasizes the importance of remaining flexible and adaptable in negotiation, and being willing to explore new ideas and approaches. He notes that successful negotiation requires a combination of strategy, creativity, and emotional intelligence, and encourages readers to continue practicing and refining their negotiation skills over time. By doing so, he argues, they can become more effective negotiators and achieve greater success in their personal and professional lives

Overall, “Never Split the Difference” is a practical and actionable guide to negotiation that is grounded in real-world experience. Voss provides readers with a range of techniques and strategies that can be applied in a variety of situations and emphasizes the importance of active listening, empathy, and collaboration in successful negotiation. While some of the techniques he advocates may not be appropriate or effective in all contexts, the book offers a valuable framework for anyone looking to improve their negotiation skills.

Major Themes of this book

The importance of empathy in negotiation: The book emphasizes that effective negotiators must be able to put themselves in the shoes of the other party and understand their perspective and motivations.
Active listening: The book emphasizes the importance of listening actively and asking the right questions to uncover the underlying concerns and motivations of the other party.
Communication skills: The book offers practical techniques for effective communication during negotiations, such as summarizing and paraphrasing the other party’s statements and using mirroring and labeling to build rapport and trust.
Creative problem-solving: The book advocates for creative solutions that benefit both parties, rather than simply splitting the difference.
Negotiation as a collaborative process: The book views negotiation as a collaborative process of problem-solving, rather than a zero-sum game.
Dealing with difficult people: The book offers strategies for dealing with difficult people and defusing tense situations.
Building and maintaining relationships: The book emphasizes the importance of building and maintaining positive relationships during negotiations, even when interests are not perfectly aligned.
Anchoring and framing: The book discusses the power of anchoring and framing, or setting the initial terms of negotiation to influence the other party’s perceptions.
Building trust: The book offers tips for building trust with the other party, such as showing appreciation and creating a sense of partnership.
Emotional intelligence: The book stresses the importance of emotional intelligence in negotiation, including self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy, and social skills

The final part of “Never Split the Difference” is titled “The Bargain”, and it focuses on how to bring all the negotiation techniques together to close a deal successfully. Voss notes that successful negotiation requires more than just following a set of techniques; it requires creativity, flexibility, and the ability to find solutions that benefit both parties. He emphasizes the importance of understanding the other party’s perspective and needs, and being willing to explore new ideas and options.

Voss also discusses the importance of understanding your own “walkaway point,” or the point at which you are no longer willing to continue negotiating. He notes that having a clear understanding of your own limits can help you stay focused and avoid making concessions that you may later regret.

Throughout this section, Voss emphasizes the importance of remaining flexible and adaptable in negotiation and being willing to explore new ideas and approaches. He notes that successful negotiation requires a combination of strategy, creativity, and emotional intelligence, and encourages readers to continue practicing and refining their negotiation skills over time. By doing so, he argues, they can become more effective negotiators and achieve greater success in their personal and professional lives.

Why would I advise anyone to read this book?

The book provides practical techniques and strategies that can be applied in a variety of negotiation situations.
It emphasizes the importance of active listening and building rapport with the other party to establish trust and facilitate effective communication.
The book offers insights into the psychology of negotiation and how to use that knowledge to your advantage.
It provides guidance on dealing with difficult negotiators and how to navigate challenging situations.
The book emphasizes the importance of finding mutually beneficial solutions rather than simply focusing on getting what you want.
The author draws on his experience as an FBI hostage negotiator to provide real-world examples and anecdotes that illustrate the concepts and techniques he discusses.
The book is easy to read and engaging, with practical advice that can be implemented immediately

Punchlines I walk away with;

“The single most important thing you can do to become a more effective negotiator is to increase your empathy for the other party.”
“Negotiation is not an act of battle; it’s a process of discovery. The goal is to uncover as much information as possible.”
“Your goal is to identify the core concerns behind their position, rather than simply countering with arguments of your own.”
“No deal is better than a bad deal.”
“The most dangerous negotiation is the one you don’t know you’re in.”